Or are my kids just happy not to see me?
It isn't everyday that I get to walk into the house after being in the sun for 3 hours with a hyper 5 year old to find that 5 of my 6 my children have been engaging in an art contest over which one of their "wanted" posters will be my new facebook profile picture.
But there you have it...
And apparently they've been working on this for a while.
Considering that my daughter had a submission for approval and I had just spent the better part of the afternoon teaching her that swallowing dead flies floating around in the pool does not automatically mean she's had her dinner.
But it's close.
Matter of fact, even Mr. Madhouse was busy drawing away. Seems he read my last blog post after all.
Ya know, I don't know what's in the air these days, but my attitude sucks. And I know it. And not only do I know it, but so does my entire family.
And the flower delivery guy who brought flowers to my house by mistake.
And the clerk at the grocery store who forgot my change.
And the neighbor boy who thought "borrowing" my cell phone meant he could take it home with him.
I know this started some time last week when, while cooking dinner, I splashed hot oil on my shoulder of all places, and when I turned around to pour mustard on it I stepped on my sons portable keyboard.
Yeah, I never did find out why it was on the floor next to his tee-shirts.
And then the next day, less than 24 hours after my daughter had received new Aladdin and Jasmine dolls from her grandma, she started screaming that her toys were stolen.
Why is every thing in this house that's temporarily missing assumed to be stolen?
Anyway, in order to save the rest of our glass stemware from shattering I decided it was time for the family to help search for the missing play things.
For an hour...
And found them under the living room table. In my frying pan. Behind my hair spray. Naked...
*Sigh* Never give little kids a male and female toy at the same time. They suddenly become gynecologists.
But the last 24 hours will go down in history.
I admit it. I've grown horns.
Over the years I've learned that denial and suppression are my best friends. They understand me. We've become soul mates and have mutual respect for one another. They never ask for my attention because they know I'll be there to feed them eventually.
Sort of like my goldfish.
So yesterday I'm doing my mom thing when all of the sudden, I hear the news. And it PISSED ME OFF! Not like, "what a bunch of idiots," pissed of. More like Dante's Inferno pissed off. With about 79 layers of hell. And I felt each and every layer.
And so did my family.
*Hanging head in shame*
Ever have one of those days where you feel like shoving someone's face into a bowl of salad and tell them, "Eat it, love it, and say, 'Please sir may I have another' "
No? Oh...never mind.
Um...how about wanting to burn all of your kids clothes and throw their dell laptop out of the window while you smash their cell phone and put toothpaste all over their toilet seat?
Or maybe shove your husbands pillows off of the bed and blame it on the cat after you hide all of his underwear?
And the worst part?
There's no real crisis!
No one's called me ugly for over a month and no one has lost any of my shoes and blamed it on the dog.
I dunno. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to save money and energy by washing my hair in the washing machine with the beach towels.
Because some days I feel like I'm in a batting cage with multiple machines pitching fast balls at me and no matter how hard I swing, I miss them all. And I really want to smack a few.
Or some random doctor...